Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
granted, being the techno loser i am, i did not have that much crucial information on the computer...mostly just pictures i loved and TONS of NEW music. and music. and i had some music on it. and i also had a bunch of music. oh, and i had just downloaded some awesome music. also, i copied some badass music from a friend. and i had a stellar music collection.
the tragedy of a single, white privileged american girl.
i am hoping to get over it soon (sitting at a desk typing criminal activity of my own town into leedle itty bitty boxes is not making this week better BUT i have almost completed my report...) and plan to start the new year with a clean slate via clean computer and hope to resemble something more like this...
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
so instead, i am finding every way to post it on the internet while maintaining the boys privacy and obviously vastly depleting innocence.
oh, the holidays and their passive aggressive nature and lack of confrontation...
Monday, December 28, 2009
Sunday, December 27, 2009
this one i call wrinkles and he was my favorite. puppies just make you feel squishy and warm and happy and all seems right with the world.
i think we should all learn a lesson here as the new year approaches: find time to stop and snuggle the puppies. being squishy and warm and happy and all seems right with the world is something i can sure use more of...dunno about you...
Saturday, December 26, 2009
8. large purchases aka better to ask santa
my dad never told me that most male retail workers tend to view my appearance similar to the following when i am seeking a large ticket item purchase:
i was not aware that i often walked around looking so helpless and confused but, apparently, this is a fact of life. who knew?!
this explains why my television at home resembles the above picture (ok. i'm exaggerating a little) but it is way old and weighs about 50lbs.
this also explains why i do not have motor operated lawn equipment, a stereo, or speakers, or anything higher than the technical level of a basic lap top and a dvd player in my home or car...
going into retail stores for large purchases is the WORST EXPERIENCE EVER if you are female, at ANY age. i despise it the most. i would rather go to the dentist, the gynecologist AND the dmv on the same day. i would rather wear a bathing suit in public. i would rather eat olives. OLIVES! (and i really, really, really, really, really hate olives)
i am fairly certain that these employees are schooled in the fine art of intimidation, degradation and condescension. very few things scare me off but lord help me, i could go the rest of my life without ever setting foot in a bestbuy, an autozone (and i kinda love this store) or the not labeled but so obviously gender specific section of lowe's (i.e. everything past the lighting department) AGAIN.if it needs to go inside of this, i'm outta here. my dad pretends like it irritates him but i know he prefers to handle this stuff...which i think is why he uses his i'm not putting up with your crap missy voice every time i tag along to one of the aforementioned locations. and i am 29 years old.
it kinda takes some of the glory out of home ownership. i mean, i still frequent the hardware store. i love a good hardware store. in fact, i hate the hello my name is ___ people so much i try my best to get everything at my teensy little local hardware store. that and i'm a small business supporter. and the store is within my comfort zone.
Friday, December 25, 2009
Thursday, December 24, 2009
i reeeeally wanted the dysfunctional family christmas album but i guess the copyrights are too strict cause all those old snl people are famous or deceased...but this one will do. tracy morgan is freaking hilarious and has always been one of my all time favorites..
sorry about the ad. jimmy fallon is so hot.
Wednesday, December 23, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
so i converted. sold my soul to the south. LOVE the summer. BRING ON the heat, the humidity, outside play, OUTSIDE! every fall now i get a little depressed...bringing out my leather boots cheers me a bit but then it's back to cold weather contempt when the dogs INSIST on getting me out of my warm, cozy bed. i pout. i complain a little. a grouch appears. then i get over it. being grouchy takes it toll, after all.
sooo...introducing the top five BEST things (according to me) about winter!!!
1. MORE SLEEP!!!
my super inspiring, head-on-her-shoulders friend n and i discussed this last year. winter=an excuse to sleep more. don't feel like getting up and out of your super cozy bed? DON'T! sleep a little longer, relish the covers and the warmess (or at least get back into the bed-please let the dogs out if they need to go i don't recommend ignoring them...nor does your carpet. or floor... you get the hint)...don't ignore your yawn, INDULGE in it! take a nap, a snooze, go to bed at 8pm...whatever! enjoy the extra S.L.E.E.P.
2. TIME TO EAT HOT STUFF!!!
as in temperature hot.
soup tastes better when it is cold outside. hot cocoa is a wintertime STAPLE. pasta is more comforting. mac n cheese? nuf said. take the time to eat, enjoy and be internally warmed by hot stuff.
3. EXTRA PADDING!!!
layers layers layers....scarves, sweaters, tights, vest, jackets, boots, socks, leggings, hats, muffs, wraps...etc., etc...eat a little too much of the aforementioned hot stuff? not a problem! throw on a couple extra t-shirts, long sleeved wonders and a cute little coat and no one will ever know you have some extra padding attached to your body. you've got a few months to worry about getting rid of it so PACK IT ON. or in.
it is just awesome and doesn't come around as much in other seasons.
5. THE GREAT COLD RUSH!!!
in winter you get to wrap yourself up and rush to the car...into the building...over there, over here, and FAST, lest your nostrils freeze together. I LOVE THIS! it makes everything feel so thrilling! and getting where you need to be is like a race or a big deal...who cares if it is lame once you get there...getting there was so challenging and whew! what an adventure! it makes me happier to see those i am visiting. my destination is sweeter upon arrival. i feel accomplished.
and if you disagree, well, refer to numero uno.
Monday, December 21, 2009
i couldn't go to work this morning cause of the icy road & i went to bed too late...so after missing half the day i was like "muahaha, perhaps i'll use this day to play semi-hooky and head to raleigh to meet some bff's from college." i have to use a vacay day (which i am pissed about) and raleigh didn't get squat so i figured i could safely head south east. 1st fail. boo. sad. at least i could have salvaged this day to be worth it but instead i am writing this and watching 3 dogs and a cat snore on my bed. which is totally cute but not lifting my mood.
i parked my car at the top of the street next to the main road thinking the 40 feet to the road would be feasible. 2nd fail. my car is stuck in several inches of wet snow that even if removed would then have to venture onto the four solid inches of ice that prohibit me from the lovely, cleared main road that is rivermont ave. also, i live in an neighborhood that is pretty low on the totem pole for street cleaning, as if the southern style way of snow clearing were working...i watched several people skid and get stuck and it was obvi that there won't no moving round here.
then i came home and decided on several chores that needed completion only to find that my graceless fall last night on previously mentioned solid inches of ice had a bit more of an effect on me. i pulled some part of my back and am extremely ouchy and grouchy. 3rd fail.
at least i have soup. lots of lovely soup.
Sunday, December 20, 2009
i totally dig bobby darin and was surprised to see his version. it is not at all typical bobby darin. it's got some soul. go bobby.
al green's version is pretty sweet, of course. his version is way sadder but definitely not as desperate as the original...
joe cocker creeps me out in person but he's a badass and his version gives desperation a new meaning...
i've always been bummed that this song is really only 2 minutes long and like, two verses. but i'm always like, dude! i really think you should call her first! it sounds like she may have already "not been able to live without you no more" and once you get off of that (surely tres expensive) air-o-plane ride...the chances of your baby being with your best friend or gas station attendant are probably pretty high...consult female friend before doing anything rash!...sorry, it's just the truth.
i don't think people do desperate love like this anymore. which is a good thing overall, but makes for an excellent song.
Saturday, December 19, 2009
today's snow was awesome. it didn't started until AFTER i drove to c-ville and back. i still got to visit the puppies my mom is fostering. i played with a mini dump truck and a scoop in the snow with one of the best 3 year olds i know. he even snuggled me at the sad part of the jungle book. someone fed me dinner. we laughed a lot. my feet never got wet or cold cause my uggs that i bought for my 26th birthday in august are dope...i had a few bourbons with my bff, bickered with someone and went home. perfecto.
the snow was out of control at midnight. my street was completely still and blanketed and beautiful. this hasn't happened since like, 1996...
Friday, December 18, 2009
7. why boys do what they do
i got dumped one time in college and it was the bad, not only my heart but my skin is ripping off and everything is pouring all over the place, kinda being dumped. throw on a thick layer of clinical depression and no self esteem and there you have me at the time. i needed to go home for a few days but i could barely get out of bed/off the floor long enough to get my clothes together and then my car wouldn't start. then the world ended (or so i thought). anyhoo...got on the phone and was able (by the grace of my dear friends) to get home for a few days. one of those phone calls was to my parents house and my dad answered the phone and sounded like someone had beheaded his puppy in front of him. he was so choked up he couldn't really talk to me and passed the phone on...
i figured out that my dad's heart, in turn, was also broken. he's not the big, intimidating, i've got a shotgun and i will abuse my ownership of it to threaten you boy type of man...in fact, he's equally as liberal as i am when it comes to gun rights...but he gets PISSED if you eff with me. when my dad gets pissed, he completely clams. zips his lips. turns red in face, whiter in the hair...and you are on his shitlist for life.
so i wonder why my father never gave me the why boys do what they do warning...first of all, i don't think he could actually handle discussing in depth the topic of me and a male being intimate...(which is kinda ok with me...or maybe he tried but my attention span was so short i left the conversation before he got to the point)...another theory i have is that my dad was one of those guys when he was younger...therefore, telling me the secrets would be exposing his true self as a young male, destroying my perfect image of him...nahhh.
winner: father. if you have a dad that is worthy of numero uno status-always keep him there. or at least always make sure he thinks he is numero uno. (and throw in that "it's so difficult to find someone i like because my example of what to live up to is so amazing"...it's true and brings on waterworks EVERY time)
Thursday, December 17, 2009
so far we have made some pretty banging soups. next week i am going to make a beef stew and i can't wait. there is even a recipe for ribs in the manual. RIBS. did you know you can make RIBS in a crockpot? score.
so i wanted you to know how happy i have been since i acquired my crockpot. i was vying for one for a looong time and now we can live a long, prosperous, warm, slow cooked future together.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
radiohead always makes me feel comforted and calm...
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
sitting still is not my thing. but i have found sitting still with a room full of criminal justice majors is much better than a room full of social workers. sooo much better. and it is much more fun and sarcastic. there is only like, one person who is the psych major with all of the (wrong) diagnosis' under their breath and half of the trainers are ex-delinquent with really bad tattoos that are fun to look at.
...i spoke too soon. TODAY. WAS. AWFUL. the morning was set for mental health issues and the afternoon for substance abuse. both of these topics i am substantially familiar with but always learn something new so i was looking forward to the week...the drive was bad...icy roads then blinding fog...but my "tis winter time oh nine" mix is still sweet and somber so the drive didn't get to me. the morning presenter (despite the fact he had NO visuals. just talking.) was even marginally entertaining. he totally sounded like mitch hedberg.
***story alert! i went to see mitch hedberg once at a comedy club and he never showed (which ended up being a good show and then we got free tickets to another show and we saw bob saget and it WAS AWESOME) anyhooo, we were all like, "omg. hope hedberg isn't dead. isn't he a drug addict?" well. he was dead. and an addict. awkward.***
so this afternoons speaker had the worst presence ever, kept calling us "folk" (not folks just folk)and went off on a random tangent about a theory of SA that had no relevance to the public service worker. there were a lot of red arrows and random letters on a story board. he also kept calling us "case managers" which drives me frickin batty.
pathetic highlights of the afternoon:
1. apparently there was a drug king pin named "dump truck smitty" in va along the I-95 corridor that used a laundry business and dump trucks for cover at his heroin production and distribution company. no one else was laughing at the name except for me...what is wrong with these people?
2. direct quote from trainer: "look, folk. you need to get on the exact same level as the drug dealer." wtf?
3. at lunch this dumb girl was arguing the difference between opiates and poppys and heroin when i attempted to explain the correlation and mentioned the scene from the wizard of oz as an example she replied, "i've never seen that movie. ever." LIAR. then she proceeded to tell me she hated all of the food on my plate. like i give a crap.
the last hour was spent rediagnosing and judging a substance exposed, product of lifelong neglect, gang related, promiscuous, clinically chemically dependent hypothetical individual into weekly AA meetings and GED classes to solve the problems of the world. it was turrible. i went well beyond the point of trying not to bust out laughing...and literally got to the point of tears when i saw how serious and determined everyone else in the room were when they thought they had done an adequate job of "fixing" this imaginary client. i realized that i (29 year old me) was one of the top contenders in the room for "having harsh, real and confrontation discussions with people about their problems." and now i am jaded. it just broke my heart and solidified all that is denial and are you effing kidding me? with the world.
someone please send me to a farm...
Monday, December 14, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
i can count on one hand how many elvis songs i like. but he died on the same day as my birthday so i feel it is only right to have a few favorite elvis songs.
the other day in the car i was listening to mmj then i turned on the radio and this elvis song came on. so i took this to mean that my apprehension in life is warranted. thanks elvis and mmj. (i am sorry i judged you by your band name and your creepy hairstyles. but that is just how i feel. )
as i am sure you have learned by now...these cheesy "made it myself, mom" youtube videos are terrible. sorry.
Saturday, December 12, 2009
john mayer is such an a-hole as a bf and i'm all like, "john. i hate you. you are such a d!&%. you ignored me for a week and now you are all over me. wtf?"
and he's like, "i know" (then he sings lyrics to me that make me want to vomit and make out with him at the same time.)
then i'm like, "you are high maintenance and inconsistent, go get back together with jennifer or jessica."
and he's like, "but you are so much more beautiful and amazing than they are...i love you."
and i'm like, "look, i know. but you are whiny and i hate it when you grow your hair long, it makes your lips look surgically modified. and you don't seem to be able to grow facial hair. i honestly think you should just stand on the beach with sunglasses on all day. no shirt, please. and you are getting on my damn nerves playing that same guitar song over and over. gimme lyrics to apply to myself or get outta here...i need you to go home."
then he plays this song and we get back together for five minutes and break up again. just like college.
in the tradition of finding RIDICULOUS homemade youtube videos (my new favorite hobby)...this one is a real treat. i love obsessive fans that do things like this. i bet they have imaginary relationships with my bf john mayer also so that doesn't really put me on a higher level than them but i think there is thick, wide line between us, nonetheless... just not really sure what it looks like or where it is exactly.
i was totally making fun of the super cute local bartenders depressing music choices the other night (cause that is how i generally act around real, live, dreamboats...think 4th grader at roller skating rink) when in reality i, too, have been sitting around inside staring at the miserable cold weather listening to heart wrenching, depressing love songs...and. enjoying. every. minute. of. it.
last week i rediscovered this song, which was my lay around glutton for punishment song of last winter. enjoooy...
Friday, December 11, 2009
6. home owning/renting
now i may have mentioned i am NOT a fan of feeling out of control or weak. i despise it and fight like hell anytime someone makes me feel less than what i think they should think i am worth. but fathers do a grave disservice to daughters in the home owning/renting department when they do not take the time to teach the skills of renting/leasing/owning their own properties. many a security deposit could be spared over a few simple lessons on assertiveness by the fathers of the world. my father "took care of" these things throughout college, i.e. covered my ass and didn't tell me about it. again, thanks dad but geeez...i felt like a MEGAbitch after going through the whole mortgage process and pretty much had panic attacks for a month straight.
i don't give a crap if you are busy i am going to read every line of something before i sign and YES i will ask a million questions until i understand. completely. deal with it.
winner: draw. fathers perhaps accompanying your daughter on these trips would be helpful and a leedle muscle never hurt anybody. OR bring along your (experienced) female realtor. they will back up your bitch.
***this picture is my house when i bought it. in april. it is waaaay cuter now and i am a leedle embarrassed about this shot, btw. but it makes my point. ***
Thursday, December 10, 2009
so i just really miss you. that is all.
***due to the current economic crisis the gap store in my small, southern town was one of the chosen stores for indefinite closure this past fiscal year. i remember moving to my little town and soon after having that gap open up. now it is gone. and i must travel many, many miles to get cute butt pants.***