what is to become of me?!!!

it has been about fifty one days since my last birthday...a birthday that hurt a little....it hurt like a small, rounded corner of a table jabbing you in the lower side...not super painful-and a sudden rush of relief that it wasn't a hard edged table- but nonetheless, with pressure and intensity.

do not get me wrong: i am happy with where i am in life: real job, health insurance, house that is all mine (except for that pesky mortgage), wonderful support, wee little garden, pink kitchen table...i am well on my way to becoming the cat lady i always knew i would be. and i like it this way.

but something has changed. it is happening all around me and i am not sure how to deal with it.

i am just going to throw it out there: i am having a hard time wearing (and enjoying) my fabulous shoe collection. i am ignoring the pants that fit perfectly when i am 2 inches higher, comfort is attempting to squash out chic, i am actually considering having travelling shoes. (and i in NO way have a commute).

this is a problem for several reasons:

1. i LOVE my shoe collection. i spent many dollars suffocating depression and frustrations with those purchases...(might i add, i have addressed this problem and do not behave in this way any more, at least not with shoes. or handbags)...but they MEAN so much to me. a marker of how far i have come! each purchase was like a mini trophy of sorts, a well earned treat.

burberry

2. i feel like i look reeeally good in my shoes. i am a shorty. literally. heels give me that added boost. for years so many people were all, OMG! i always thought you were taller! (i always blew my own spot up when flip flop season came around)...so i feel a little incomplete when i am not as tall as i feel i have portrayed myself to be...i am a charade, a sham. shoes are the same no matter how many cupcakes you have eaten. they always fit and look good, same as the day you bought them. sigh.

louboutin

3. this is yet one more (along with the "music being too loud," the bar/party/grocery store being "too crowded," and that _(fill in event here)_ just being "too late") sign of my impeding doom: full blown, mature, responsible (dumdumda) ADULTHOOD.

prada

***please make note: i have never actually purchased any of the above referenced designer shoes (my obsession does not reach past department store trendy) but feel my purpose was better displayed with elegance of these proportions***

have i really become this person? me? i have always been the rayanne to your angela...the six to your blossom...lisa on the outside, bart on the inside...more kelly taylor, less donna martin...FREAKING co-founder of the summer church camp BRAT PACK. and now, i have succumbed to this fate: a serious consideration towards the health and well being of my posture, balance, core strength and the future condition of my arches? me!!!



'tis a sad day in this land, my sweets. eff you 29! ...and your pokey, not-stabbing-but-pressured-and-intense-side-ache, otherwise known as maturity. blegh.