no chunks please.

each year into my twenties (and now out of them) has been more and more different than the previous one...some things i willingly accept and look forward to, like home owning and cheaper car insurance...aaand there are some things i begrudgingly take on...like, being carded and being called ma'am.

i have a long running list of things though, that i believe are no longer allowed once you turn the ripe age of 3.0. i am not going to lie, 29 hurt a bit. i kinda sulked and didn't make a fuss and ate three kinds of cake (which is sooo not me on my birthday-cept for the cake part)...
i am attacking this next birthday like a jousting match with king henry after he cheated on me. (nah, i would never go for henry...maybe...season 1 tudors, henry definitely)

i've been sharing my list with several people and am totally open to suggestions...the first i feel, is really very important...

once you are 30, it is no longer appropriate to

drink excessively...

especially to the point of barfing.

look at barbie...gross! nothing is worse than the walk of shame out of the stall while your female cohorts peek under the door to make sure you haven't clocked your head on the seat to unconsciousness. there is no way to cover that "just been barfing" glow and seriously. you are almost 30. not ok anymore ladies.
i haven't ralphed from drinking in so many years i cannot even remember what it feels like, thank god...if i drink more than three beers i get nervous and chug so much water because i am terrified of being hungover and wasted and it's really just kinda sad. then i stay up half the night cause i drank too much water and i'm scared i'll wet the bed...my bff h and i giggle for about three hours then we are home by 11pm. perfect.

so give it up. it may be getting sad. if you are still drinking this much: you definitely have a problem. when you get older your self awareness should be vivid enough and you just don't need to act like "that girl" anymore. let some 19 year old be her for a while...i had the crown for too long, anyway.

no one looks like this pretty unicorn when they barf...so give some serious thought to moving on from this phase of life. reassess where you are at in life and ask yourself...was my last barfing incident after an ex-bf wedding/batchelorette/divorce party? (or something of equal value?) if the answer was no, take a break. i mean, you are 30 after all.