happy is...as happy does...

you know how i've been all yea me! (insert karate chop) feel good! you rock! kick ass! wahoo! yippeekikyeeye! word up! lately? this website is badass and it is totally encouraging me further...

http://fuckyeahhappy.tumblr.com/

say it.

i am often super self conscious about my blabber mouth but i will tell you what: as long as i still use my filter and remember about feelings and stuff...i will always let it rip when necessary and thank god i do. at this point in my life there is no restraint on expressing how i feel about a situation that is yucky or wrong. after, i feel free and proud of my ability to not chicken shit out of being true to myself.

go me!

i wish this for you my darlings...

truth.

i have some PHENOMENAL girlfriends that recently pulled out all of the stops when i needed it most. they are always awesome but at the moments when you made bad choices that you knew were bad choices and your friends knew were bad choices and you did it anyway and you just need to let others take care of you and let you be pathetic and self deprecating without excessively apologizing or agonizing about being too much...at those moments my girlfriends leave me speechless with gratitude and love.

thank you, ladies...this sweet poem of unconditional love reminded me of you :)

time again.

today marks the day i get back on a track i ran on steadily about a year ago. winter and cold weather and blah blah blah got me distracted but do not fear...awesome will reappear.

being a grown up rules.

tax time = tax return (as long as i continue to not make a significant amount of money, which is looking to be my lifelong trend if i want to like, care about the world and stuff). and i am so fricking excited about spending my lovely hard earned (or hard deprived? withheld?) money on some fantastical home (well yard, really) improvements!!!

i have some super, duper plans on turning my little house into the bungalow decorated, recycled material, sustainable haven it sooo deserves to be...but i'll tell you about that later ;)

main priority of focus this spring: massive flower garden. i am going to turn the sunny side of my house into a flower patch. i buy TONS of flowers in the summer, pretty much always have fresh flowers in my house so now i save money and have a lovely view coming down the street!!! BUT i am going all out. best flowers money can buy, hence using tax money surplus.

cattle fence. since winter bombarded my back yard with snow, the horrid kudzu and debris in the yard has become somewhat manageable looking. plans for chainsawing the crap out of more of the yard and expanding the fence for my little pooches to have lots of luscious running space will go into full effect as soon as weather permits.

and finally, attempt to save and exploit longest life possible from back deck with a nice pressure wash and new stain. it is a lovely deck and i want to keep it up. it is my favorite place to be in the spring/summer...especially at the night with the stars a shining!!!

yea! i am so grown up i cannot stand it. alert alert!!! even more grown up action taken by me: these projects have been allotted after i put most of my return into savings. gosh. look at me now.

right here, right now.

i would just like to take a moment, amongst all of my whining about the cold and winter and wishing it were spring and blah blah blah, to acknowledge that life is super awesome. being this age, at this time is pretty much the greatest and i do not want to take any of it for granted, despite the fact that i am a wretched complaining brat about the snow and the season.

at the risk of sounding uber queso: i can honestly say i have accomplished all that i have wanted to by this age. i am not one to set limits or by ___ years old i must have/do/done this, that and those. but as i face the big, bad birthday that is 6 months away...i find myself ready and in the most perfect place. i am kinda bursting with confidence and self satisfaction...

so... i commemorate this time with this blog to be reflected upon as needed for any upcoming days of woe and crankiness.

if only the world could be filled with only cute boys, red seal pale ales, singing aloud, dreams of gardens, pets, and laughs with good friends that never end...

no chunks please.

each year into my twenties (and now out of them) has been more and more different than the previous one...some things i willingly accept and look forward to, like home owning and cheaper car insurance...aaand there are some things i begrudgingly take on...like, being carded and being called ma'am.

i have a long running list of things though, that i believe are no longer allowed once you turn the ripe age of 3.0. i am not going to lie, 29 hurt a bit. i kinda sulked and didn't make a fuss and ate three kinds of cake (which is sooo not me on my birthday-cept for the cake part)...
i am attacking this next birthday like a jousting match with king henry after he cheated on me. (nah, i would never go for henry...maybe...season 1 tudors, henry definitely)

i've been sharing my list with several people and am totally open to suggestions...the first i feel, is really very important...

once you are 30, it is no longer appropriate to

drink excessively...

especially to the point of barfing.

look at barbie...gross! nothing is worse than the walk of shame out of the stall while your female cohorts peek under the door to make sure you haven't clocked your head on the seat to unconsciousness. there is no way to cover that "just been barfing" glow and seriously. you are almost 30. not ok anymore ladies.
i haven't ralphed from drinking in so many years i cannot even remember what it feels like, thank god...if i drink more than three beers i get nervous and chug so much water because i am terrified of being hungover and wasted and it's really just kinda sad. then i stay up half the night cause i drank too much water and i'm scared i'll wet the bed...my bff h and i giggle for about three hours then we are home by 11pm. perfect.

so give it up. it may be getting sad. if you are still drinking this much: you definitely have a problem. when you get older your self awareness should be vivid enough and you just don't need to act like "that girl" anymore. let some 19 year old be her for a while...i had the crown for too long, anyway.

no one looks like this pretty unicorn when they barf...so give some serious thought to moving on from this phase of life. reassess where you are at in life and ask yourself...was my last barfing incident after an ex-bf wedding/batchelorette/divorce party? (or something of equal value?) if the answer was no, take a break. i mean, you are 30 after all.

mmm: let's just forgot about those skinny scenes from into the wild....

emile is super dreamy. remember his cutesy little mug as the angry, neglected bff turned gang member in lords of dogtown?
well this week he just finished hiking/climbing/trekking mt kilawhatsagoo with some hot babes. good for him. i wish that mountain was so damn cold so we could have some actions shots of his struggles. one can dream. but my trusty google images were not lacking in man meatness...

here we have the rough and tumble travelling emile...

ooo and the badass kinda thug but still major hot but you don't want to admit you have a crush on a thug, as seen is alphadog....(remember how jt wasn't dressed just fully tatted in that movie? bliss.)

again, country, small town, nomad, needs a shower look is my fav.

yet, i find myself torn with this greaser almost johnny deppish look here...

overall. dudes a babe. and he's five years younger than i am so he fits perfectly into the pre-thirty-lust-a-thon.

yum emile hirsch. yum. i just wish you were taller but considering we shall never, ever meet in person, don't worry about it.

mmm: last chance...

as i have mentioned...this year is my last year in my 20s. this post (and several of the next consecutive mmm's) is a part of this series...

once you hit the sparkling age of 30 i feel it is no longer appropriate to publicly drool and coo over young men that would be borderline criminal (or pathetic) to date. this coincides with my obsession with the whole cougar/cub phenomenon...but i have no intention of cougaring.

so the next eight months, my lovelies, as i walk down the plank to that big, bad birthday...i will be exploiting and celebrating each and every beautiful, young male celebrity i can find. for after that fateful day in august when summer is rolling down from it's peak, i will retire from mouthing off at the little ones...as it will become a little more crass. a bit more sad. and just not allowable in my book of reasons titled: because you are 30. that's why.

i will take every chance i can until then...

***chance crawford was just in this article but the pictures were too effing hot to post on this little entry...check it out but be careful...

Chace Crawford Interview: Finishing School - Beauty Industry and Products News - WWD.com ***

what is to become of me?!!!

it has been about fifty one days since my last birthday...a birthday that hurt a little....it hurt like a small, rounded corner of a table jabbing you in the lower side...not super painful-and a sudden rush of relief that it wasn't a hard edged table- but nonetheless, with pressure and intensity.

do not get me wrong: i am happy with where i am in life: real job, health insurance, house that is all mine (except for that pesky mortgage), wonderful support, wee little garden, pink kitchen table...i am well on my way to becoming the cat lady i always knew i would be. and i like it this way.

but something has changed. it is happening all around me and i am not sure how to deal with it.

i am just going to throw it out there: i am having a hard time wearing (and enjoying) my fabulous shoe collection. i am ignoring the pants that fit perfectly when i am 2 inches higher, comfort is attempting to squash out chic, i am actually considering having travelling shoes. (and i in NO way have a commute).

this is a problem for several reasons:

1. i LOVE my shoe collection. i spent many dollars suffocating depression and frustrations with those purchases...(might i add, i have addressed this problem and do not behave in this way any more, at least not with shoes. or handbags)...but they MEAN so much to me. a marker of how far i have come! each purchase was like a mini trophy of sorts, a well earned treat.

burberry

2. i feel like i look reeeally good in my shoes. i am a shorty. literally. heels give me that added boost. for years so many people were all, OMG! i always thought you were taller! (i always blew my own spot up when flip flop season came around)...so i feel a little incomplete when i am not as tall as i feel i have portrayed myself to be...i am a charade, a sham. shoes are the same no matter how many cupcakes you have eaten. they always fit and look good, same as the day you bought them. sigh.

louboutin

3. this is yet one more (along with the "music being too loud," the bar/party/grocery store being "too crowded," and that _(fill in event here)_ just being "too late") sign of my impeding doom: full blown, mature, responsible (dumdumda) ADULTHOOD.

prada

***please make note: i have never actually purchased any of the above referenced designer shoes (my obsession does not reach past department store trendy) but feel my purpose was better displayed with elegance of these proportions***

have i really become this person? me? i have always been the rayanne to your angela...the six to your blossom...lisa on the outside, bart on the inside...more kelly taylor, less donna martin...FREAKING co-founder of the summer church camp BRAT PACK. and now, i have succumbed to this fate: a serious consideration towards the health and well being of my posture, balance, core strength and the future condition of my arches? me!!!



'tis a sad day in this land, my sweets. eff you 29! ...and your pokey, not-stabbing-but-pressured-and-intense-side-ache, otherwise known as maturity. blegh.