goodbye january.

january started off great this year. new year's was super fun (despite my negativity), all of the hot boys have been out lately, being this age and enjoying life has been a priority and i am doing a super good job at that. the weather has been a.w.f.u.l. there were several days of loveliness last week and it made me get excited for warmth again and then the evil winter returned.

so, adios january. scram. scoot. au revoir. auf wiedersehen. tot ziens. later tater. won't miss you a bit.

here is a highlight of january, aside from the cute boys being in full visibility, that made me equally as happy:

vogue and bazaar decided to send me my subscription again! yea! they just stopped for a few months. maybe it was because i moved. i dunno. but one day i came home and saw this lovely rachel mcadams interview:


she is sooo interesting and boring at the same time. that is why she is interesting.


and gasp! miley's adorable! although i am not an advocate of extensions in teenagers...she is too cute and i actually wished her little article has been longer. she's bold and i dig it.






on a more depressing note: my fate as a future cat lady of america was solidified.
i like being alone. i love not having to answer to anyone and adore my freedom. kinda always saw myself as becoming a classy old lady with tons of juicy stories to retell (perhaps about aforementioned attractive boys being around in the winter of 2010? hmmm, perhaps)....


but that may just not be the case. a few days after my vogue and bazaar arrived, while i was still leafing through the pages with delight at the sparkles and designer pieces i shall never own (and would never buy even if i could)...a catalogue came in the mail. it was a catalogue for people who own cats. it was entire catalogue of cat products. not pet products, just cats. 75 pages of cat products. with my name and address nicely printed in the subscription box.

my future lies before me....

perhaps i will be engaging the aforementioned strategically placed handsome boys in conversation more, now that i think about it.

unless they get complicated. if that becomes the case, maybe i would rather have the cats. and their products...meh. it's a toss-up.

no chunks please.

each year into my twenties (and now out of them) has been more and more different than the previous one...some things i willingly accept and look forward to, like home owning and cheaper car insurance...aaand there are some things i begrudgingly take on...like, being carded and being called ma'am.

i have a long running list of things though, that i believe are no longer allowed once you turn the ripe age of 3.0. i am not going to lie, 29 hurt a bit. i kinda sulked and didn't make a fuss and ate three kinds of cake (which is sooo not me on my birthday-cept for the cake part)...
i am attacking this next birthday like a jousting match with king henry after he cheated on me. (nah, i would never go for henry...maybe...season 1 tudors, henry definitely)

i've been sharing my list with several people and am totally open to suggestions...the first i feel, is really very important...

once you are 30, it is no longer appropriate to

drink excessively...

especially to the point of barfing.

look at barbie...gross! nothing is worse than the walk of shame out of the stall while your female cohorts peek under the door to make sure you haven't clocked your head on the seat to unconsciousness. there is no way to cover that "just been barfing" glow and seriously. you are almost 30. not ok anymore ladies.
i haven't ralphed from drinking in so many years i cannot even remember what it feels like, thank god...if i drink more than three beers i get nervous and chug so much water because i am terrified of being hungover and wasted and it's really just kinda sad. then i stay up half the night cause i drank too much water and i'm scared i'll wet the bed...my bff h and i giggle for about three hours then we are home by 11pm. perfect.

so give it up. it may be getting sad. if you are still drinking this much: you definitely have a problem. when you get older your self awareness should be vivid enough and you just don't need to act like "that girl" anymore. let some 19 year old be her for a while...i had the crown for too long, anyway.

no one looks like this pretty unicorn when they barf...so give some serious thought to moving on from this phase of life. reassess where you are at in life and ask yourself...was my last barfing incident after an ex-bf wedding/batchelorette/divorce party? (or something of equal value?) if the answer was no, take a break. i mean, you are 30 after all.

still got it.

sure, i am sick of politics and corporations that rule the world and tragedy and elections and fraud and blame and republicans and blah blah blah...BUT nothing is going to change the fact that the times i have sat alone in my room, listening to barack obama speak...the feeling i have at those moments, the chills i get...nothing is going to make that go away.
his election night speech was unforgettable (i was weeping). inauguration speech, stellar. and most recently state on the union (although i admit i had a friend in town and really only caught the 2nd half) was superb. his tone and power, he is direct, he is more human that any other d-bag i have seen in office. he makes mistakes. he says so and whether or not anyone wants to praise or poo him we have all got to admit: this is history in the making and it is goooood.

p.s. so. i generally believe the world revolves around me and last night i had proof!!! anyone else catch how the president was talking about americans being all helpful and he was talking about relief efforts and he said we had the little "usa usa usa!" going in the back of our heads! that's me!!! i totally do that all the time.

it has gotten to that point.

for a minute there, we had a day or two of lovely warmer weather. then it went away and i am wondering if there will ever been a return of something warm and in need of flip flops...

winter, this is getting bad. go away or neil and i are going to spend hours alone together with the lights off.

omgosh.

as i was frequenting my world o' fashion blogs i love so dearly on this day...imagine my approbation when i discovered these!!! oh my goodness! oh my goodness! creepy dolls in couture?! nuuuh uhhh!!!

so i check out the adorable website for these custom made $600 + dolls that i will never, ever hold in real life and oohhh and ahhh for a while...
uh. i totally yearned for these dolls as a child, barbie was a fav, don't get me wrong... but she was so perfect. i wanted a doll with funky hair, weirdo feet and....

a frickin' cyclopse! yes, please! how did you know?! sheer delight, i tell you...

PUHHHLEEASE go check these out, they are sooo fabulous...

Fashion Dolls Wear Your Favorite Proenza, Lanvin, and Marc Jacobs Looks

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love to hate you.

holy moses. imagine my surprise as i was catching up on my celebrity gossip today and i find THIS. john mayer, sans shirt, on the cover of rolling stone magazine. SWOON. so of course i read the article and i have the same. exact. reaction. as i do to him EVERY time. i am wrinkling my nose and drooling at the same time. turned off and on simultaneously. his pictures are so effing hot but then again LOOK at them....ewww dirty shirt, over styled hair, a wife beater? how is it that some men take these things and make them UBERsexy? it is not fair and celebratory at. the. same. time. ahhh!!!! i love to hate you john mayer!!!!!

read it. it's super gross and he says vagina like a million times and his lips look bigger than ever but geeeez. cruel and immensely satisfying world you have created, god.

http://www.rollingstone.com/rockdaily/index.php/2010/01/19/john-mayers-dirty-mind-lonely-heart-new-issue-of-rolling-stone/

(and he is right, continuum is waaay better than battle studies but i may or may not be sitting on my back porch staring at the stars in the cold enjoying a smoke listening to certain tracks on bs, namely 1, 4 & 5, on repeat. maybe. it is a possibility)

mmm: more like, his royal HOTness

poor little henry. he so damn sexy and prolly lives such a troubled and complicated life. he can't just be.
heeeyOOO! i did not think it was possible for men to look this dreamy in hats like that with giant numbers of their shirts. yes, you are #1, deary.

SERIOUSLY. what sport is this? look at this other dude!!! white pants and knee high boots never looked so good! take me there, i am officially a fan of the sport where you wear white and knee high boots and jump on horses! yea team!

i mean...come. on. the dude looks good coming out of a porta-potty for cripes sake. what is a porta-potty called in england? hmmmm...ok. i just looked it up. it is called a "biffy!" how cute!

so as difficult as this young man's life may be...he can always look at himself in the mirror thank god he got his mother's beautiful genes and not his fathers. he actually doesn't look like his father one bit, now, doesn't he?.....

mega mega white thing.

this song came on the radio a few days ago and i cannot get it out of my head. i love this movie but feel gross saying i love it...like i hate admitting i love american psycho or mysterious skin but they are excellent films and i love them. (once i split four tubs of ben & jerry's with my friend in college and we watched american psycho and requiem for a dream in the same night. we were both pretty traumatized by the end and felt like our guts were going to explode. the ice cream was his idea. poor choice.)

so i admit it. i love trainspotting.

jgl keeps. getting. better.

so i am usually the one who never watches that awesome new movie because i kinda really hate romantic comedies and every time i give in and i get angry and sometimes cry (exhibit A: he's just not that into you) BUT. joseph gordon-levitt is on my top five hottest babes ever list (despite the fact that my bff keeps reminding me he's prolly 5'5"-stop bff h! stop!!!)

anyhoo, i pretty much squealed with delight when he did this dance sequence in the film and kept the netflix for a week and watched just this part over and over again. if the world were filled with more movies with hot guys in dance sequences we would all lead more satisfying lives. fact.

stella.

in my humble opinion, michael showalter, michael ian black and david wain are some of the funniest dudes EVER. over the snow storm i had netflixed the state and i was waaay excited about it cause i had forgotten that is had been released on dvd for like, a year, and then i remembered and it was perfect timing and i was like woohoo! my friend used to babysit for david wain in brooklyn. awesome.
so i just got the comedy central version of the series of stella an old stage show these guys did after the state and at first i didn't like it that much cause there was this grody open heart surgery scene but then it got hilarious and i just think they are the best. and michael showalter has a blog where he posts videos of him and his cats doing nothing spectacular. i love this.

this picture from from seattle october 2003 and i freaked and i was OMG i was in seattle in october of 2003!!! but then i remembered i was not. i was in seattle in october of 2002. whew.

so, you should rent everything these guys are in. and it is extendly awesomer that not only do their shows have them but many, many other comedians and stars (frickin sam rockwell, that hot chick that dated jim halper when he went to stanford in the office and some old dude that was famous but i forgot his name) and i think you will enjoy it the most. give it a few episodes.

sadness

a giant tragedy occurred in the next little town yesterday. the all too common trend of mass murder in a frenzy of what i am now assuming (with splices of random information) is yet another blend of desperation, mental illness and hopelessness. events like these are unique and uniform at the same time...i wonder when we will start really paying attention to what is going on?

UPDATE: Suspected Appomattox gunman apprehended Lynchburg News Advance

things i learned from teenagers this weekend...

i actually came to this current realization on my way home from the teenager time so i still consider it learning from them because the sense of clarity and rejuvenation i feel after spending time with my little lovelies puts me in a mind set for some serious positive thinking. also, it is difficult to bullshit myself after these moments and i just come to terms with some things that i have often been talking myself out of believing or admitting. hence....

michael jackson's off the wall is one of my favorite mj songs. i appreciate the message in this song and feel it was underplayed and under valued. the whole album is dope, actually.(admitting this is the same feeling i get when i would admit to liking the grateful dead's shakedown street or phish's down with disease in college-you are not supposed to like that song...it is not the song that fans are supposed to like) i don't give a crud what people think about my taste in music anymore and i think it is completely ridiculous that i ever really did. (i blame it on hippie boys. it is your fault hippie boys. and your cute hippie ways i used to love so much.)

"So Tonight Gotta Leave That Nine To Five Upon The Shelf
And Just Enjoy Yourself
Groove, Let The Madness In The Music Get To You
Life Ain't So Bad At All
If You Live It Off The Wall"


life lessons. good stuff people. consider playing this one on repeat next time you roll down the highway.

mmm: let's just forgot about those skinny scenes from into the wild....

emile is super dreamy. remember his cutesy little mug as the angry, neglected bff turned gang member in lords of dogtown?
well this week he just finished hiking/climbing/trekking mt kilawhatsagoo with some hot babes. good for him. i wish that mountain was so damn cold so we could have some actions shots of his struggles. one can dream. but my trusty google images were not lacking in man meatness...

here we have the rough and tumble travelling emile...

ooo and the badass kinda thug but still major hot but you don't want to admit you have a crush on a thug, as seen is alphadog....(remember how jt wasn't dressed just fully tatted in that movie? bliss.)

again, country, small town, nomad, needs a shower look is my fav.

yet, i find myself torn with this greaser almost johnny deppish look here...

overall. dudes a babe. and he's five years younger than i am so he fits perfectly into the pre-thirty-lust-a-thon.

yum emile hirsch. yum. i just wish you were taller but considering we shall never, ever meet in person, don't worry about it.

more soup for me.

so i joined this csa this year and it's way awesome. winter vegetables are complicated and i am learning new things in these months where all i really want to do is drink bourbon and make out with my flannel sheets. also, add in my crock-pot and we have a win-win situ here, folks.
i have made several varieties of potato soups (sweet and regular), cauliflower soup, cabbage soup, vegetable stew, red pepper soup...i guess it seems like a lot more in my head. anyhoo, again today, i made several varieties of soup on this rainy day, namely cauliflower and i am going to search for some new potato ideas.....
but now that i think about something witty to say and reread this post in it's entirety i am realizing how truly pathetic this winter of soup rant has become. and i apologize. i am going to watch the dance sequence in 500 days of summer and change my sheets because there is nothing better than clean sheets. amen.

remember these?!

when i was a kid i could never find anything with my proper name on it. or at least i could never find anything spelled the same. my mom always got the meg versions of things...i think she secretly wanted me to be meg. she calls me meg most of the time. my dad is more of a full namer caller. she also would always get me name things of my middle name when there was no proper spelling or meg available which was dumb and i was always like, gee...mom, thanks. but i really do not need this glittery licence plate that set you back $5.99. and i don't care much for my middle name. it's kinda trailer park.

daddy's girl: finale.

overall, although sometimes i feel sheltered and a bit suffocated by my father's teaching...it is clear that he does, indeed, know best. for the most part he can keep his weird control over things that, frankly, i don't give much of a crap about anyway.

i am super lucky to have a dad. and i am super super lucky to have MY dad. he is truly my hero and even if i look and act like him and inherit all of his weirdo qualities, i consider it an honor to be his daughter.

wtf america?

i would like to think i hung up my metaphorical feminist boxing gloves after college but indeed i recently found uses for them again...now. it is true i actually don't watch tv on a regular basis per se but imma gonna bitch about this anyway. because i can.

this week commemorates nbc's decision to bump conan o'brien and the tonight's show back one half hour for jay leno, who is apparently bombing in his current time slot.
ok. jay leno is a super creepster. as evidenced by this photo:
maybe that is why his ratings could be down? he is scaring young children and people that stay awake and watch tv during normal evening hours? i dunno. this is just my theory.

then it made me think...television is filled with creepy dudes. i would totally watch more tv if i had hot dudes to look at. i would even watch espn. seriously. there is one hot dude on espn and he's kind of a dipshit and this guy is all over the place....

the females on espn? effing gorgeous. NO attempts are made whatsoever to engage the female population into espn...it is a freaking travesty i tell you.

i also happen to enjoy some current events talk and banter. and we get this guy for the last majillion years?! SERIOUSLY. would an equally bland and gawky female make it on a show like larry king's larry king live? hell to the no. totally unfair.

and i dig me some politics. but they have even turned my darling anderson cooper into a cheeseball and i feel like this guy gets more screen time. THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG HERE.

i disagreed with everything that came out of tucker carlson's mouth but i was all about the jerkface cause he was dreamy....why aren't our needs as women objectifying men being met on television people? just burns me up.

i mean, we've got jon stewart and steven colbert. i will never take them for granted. and jimmy fallon is oh so nice. but then there is that weirdo british or scottish guy on late late night show, a handful of marginally attractive mainstream new anchormen and that crap that keeps me away from espn. IT IS JUST WRONG.

so i hate you television. i will continue to rent netflix and be surprised when they come in the mail cause i'm all like, hmmm. this movie looks totally lame. why would i rent this? then when the credits appear and joseph gordon-levitt or christian bale or gael garcia bernal's name is shown my ah-ha! moment is realized. i rented it cause it had a hot dude in it. it's a week night, i am tired and i need some hot dude to take the edge off from the day.

totally acceptable and accessible for men, not so much for us, ladies. it is a cruel world.

so, in conclusion, my sincerest apologies conan o'brien. you, with your ridiculously long legs and awkward hair...i'll miss your face and your presence in the lives of so many other women who "just think he's funny" and pretend like aren't completed enamoured with his super hot irishness. i like it when you side stare and make appearances on 30 rock. actually, YOU rock.

after all these years we ladies still can't get an equal break when it comes sex appeal needs. boo, america. boo for you.

guilty pleasure...

so, look. i admit it. i have this thing for phil collins. no, wait. i have this thing for his music. i think phil collins in the flesh almost ruins his music. he's so creepy and cheesy. but i love his tunes. i find his love songs amazing and i am obviously not afraid to admit it.

this is my favorite and after seeing this torrid affair in the video i had to wiki the movie...(beware there is a pretty intense speedo shot at the :20 mark)...the movie is one of gambling, power, love and football? kinda. this girl runs away and her old bf sends this guy to go get her and she is in mexico and he is super hot and super tan and he has a beard and well, have you been to mexico with a super hot, tan guy? i have. and let's just say...she responds appropriately. and that is what mexico is for. so the guy that paid other guy gets mad and everything falls apart and i think there are guns and stuff and i can tell i would hate this movie cause she looks whiny but in the end that can't be together and everyone is unhappy and this is why i don't watch effing torrid love affair movies. but anyhoo...check out this dreamy phil collins in sexy colored rain video...

i wish...

you know, i just wish fresh fruit came opened sometimes. i love the smell of peeling an orange but it is not an activity one can do while searching the internet for celebrity gossip when one should be working on data collections and criminal justice analysis, you know?

mmm: speaking of brody's

ok. i know brody jenner is probably like, the biggest d-bag in real life. but COME ON. he's a babe and you know you watched those episodes of keeping up with kardashians where he babysat his little sisters and thought it was completely adorable.

one time i was lobbying in the state capital of the commonwealth with a fellow progressive bud and we saw someone who looked like him and i totally screamed "BRODY!" through the marble halls...i was THAT excited to see someone as dreamy as he is. (it was WAY loud)

aaand of course. 75% of the pictures i found of him were in the water, on the beach or rubbing on a playmate on the beach. but that's ok.

the boy looks good. and i totally watched the hills when he and lc had their "sexual tension" thing going on. i love that crap.

no matter what my friends say...

so i love love songs that aren't love songs but really are, you know what i mean? like desperate and sad and embarrassing and humiliating love songs. i guess i feel like if you are going to write a firkin' love song, it better hurt and terrify you at the same time...but, in a good way. so i heart the crud out of this song and honestly love most of these versions....the 80s video wouldn't let me copy them and john waite was looking pretty dreamy, but...oh well.

can't say i love or hate tina turner but hey, anyone who has hot ass legs like she does should totally stand in the street shaking it. i personally, agree with her obvious hatred of pants. so restrictive...those damn pants...

just heard this one today. i have a special place in my heart for allison krauss...but generally in reference to all things bluegrass. once in college she came to our auditorium with jerry douglass. my seat was AHHHHmazing. dug it the most.

BUT this version beats all of the others for me (except the original, on certain days)... yes, tyler hilton. ONE TREE HILL (word) is on my top five best, most favoritist teen dramadies E.V.E.R. sigh.....

(i never blamed brooke for hooking up with chris. he was a babe. and a rock star. and arrogant. and she was drunk. recipe for disaster. or success. depends on how you look at it.)

i mean, what else is there to do in a jailhouse?

today is elvis presley's birthday. he died on the same day as MY day of birth so you would think i would dig him a lot merely by association but i do not really. i like a handful of his songs but the whole superstar/sex symbol/gyration/you look too much like my uncle buster to be hot/lip curl/hair poof thing never really caught my attention. (more a gene kelly/fred astaire kinda girl)

i have always meant to see his movies, but again, have not made much of an effort...BUT now i think i will! check out the stitching on these pants! neat-O! i L.O.V.E. costumes in movies from waaay back when. and the babes are always rocking some swell hairdos and shoes.

and i spend a lot of time at the jail with my job so i should totally see this film and then when i am at the jail at 5am i can imagine all of the inmates singing and dancing (which i assuming they do in the movie) and i will laugh to myself and the smell won't bother me as much.

happy birthday elvis. i am sorry i am not more of a fan but i think it is neat you died on my birthday.

daddy's girl, part 10.

(for previous entries to this series, please refer to daddy's girl, parts 1-9)

10. dead things

for those of us who have pets, the death of one is devastating. i recall as a child certain pets "going away" because they "passed on" and are "no longer suffering/running in circles/eating their flesh" now...

although i also had close relatives die when i was younger, father never shielded the fact of death from me. he grieved publicly when necessary and allowed me to freely ask questions...he may not have been able to answer them fully, but he let me ask...

EXCEPT WHEN THERE WERE DEAD GUTS IN THE ROAD. or in the house. or anywhere in view. and thank god for this. my "ewwww, what is that?!" was responded with a screeching of the tires or a hand over the eyes...

my dad has these quick, panicky moves he uses only in the utmost important circumstances (i.e. the run/walk he did on water when i was four and fell in between the boat and the dock...the heimlich maneuver (or in his case grabbing of the ankles and shaking upside down) he performed on my cousin when she swallowed a quarter...the rush through the halls of the er when i stuck all those peas up my nose when my uncle had a heart attack...but i digress) when dead things are upon me my dad reacts in the way he had for the past emergencies. thank you, dear father.

each dog and cat we said goodbye to...dad covered it. never saw anything but the neatly packed grave top...he even took care of my hamster (who i actually set free because he ate the other hamster and had blood all over his face...ahh! cannibal hamster!...then he found his way into the car garage and into the recycle bin..three weeks later. i know! wtf?!)...

but my father is retired and started spending summers in ny. my bunny rabbit died a few summers ago and i had to move him on my own. I HAD TO MOVE MY DEAD BUNNY RABBIT AND BURY HIM MYSELF. i am still traumatized by this event and i was 25 when it occurred. the horrid incident involved lots of lawn-n-leaf bags, tongs and a sheet pan...and i barfed. and almost peed my pants. i buried all of these items with poor bunny. shutter.

earlier that year my old landlord hit my dog in front of me and that was pretty damn bad but evil landlord at least picked the poor thing up and took me to a vet who handled the rest so, even though those memories are not pleasant...it did not involve moving an actual carcass.

winner: father. dead things...omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg omg

i'll have another greyhound please...

i used to go to this gay dance club on thursday nights called neighbors. thursday was 80s night and $2 well drinks. we used to get down. a bunch of my friends came to visit and we would always go dancing and they would get down. even my hippie hoodie wearing straight male friends.

everyone at neighbors was a little odd...there was the guy in the tutu and striped tights. there were some men in tight underpants in cages (duh)...lots of trannys...but i love gay dance clubs cause you can go and dance and be who you are and most importantly, NOT get molested by some greasy guidos.

anyhoo, this was one of our favorites. this video is NUTS. i love it. and i love 80s dance music...and i miss those dance parties...

p.s.

this is my favorite ed westwick picture and i could not find it for the life of me yesterday...extended mmm new years special!

mmm: chuck bass.

oh ed westwick. you are so lovely...

oh. my. plaid.

oh. my. tie.

oh. my. bold. colors.

oh. my. bold colored tie.

oh. my. stripes.

there is nothing i love more than a good ole chuck bass-a-thon. i had a wee ones this weekend and it was EVERY bit as amazing as the last. i watched an outtake and he was going from an american accent to a bristish one....sigh. thank you producers of gossip girl, thank you.